


It's Okay to Admit You're Scared

by Yugijayden



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Build, Tsundere Izaya, Tsundere Shizuo, probably smut later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-02 21:25:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6583057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yugijayden/pseuds/Yugijayden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First off, sorry for the horrible title. Secondly, while there are other relationships in this story, it mainly focuses on Shizuo and Izaya, though there is a little bit of Masaomi x Mikado action. <br/>Basically, Shizuo stops in at Shinra's one day to get his arm checked out and finds an unconscious Izaya there as well...but something's not right. This is probably the worse summary ever, sorry (;//;) but I don't wanna give anything away. Plus, you know, I'm lazy. Anyways, enjoy the story!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who don't like boy x boy, pls don't read. But if the rest of you are yaoi fans and/or slightly (okay, in my case, a lot) perverted like me, I think you'll enjoy this. Just remember, the smut doesn't happen until later on, k?

"Dammit," Shizuo grumbled under his breath as he strode to Shinra's. A few minutes before, he and Tom had been peacefully collecting debts, as was their job as debt collectors, when a certain guy happened to rub Shizuo the wrong way, and said man threw a truck at him. However, when the window shield of the truck broke, some of the glass splintered off into Shizuo's left arm. Tom was adamant that he go see a doctor about it.

"Just in case," he said. "Wouldn't want an infection taking you off the job. And what if your nerves are severed?"

Shizuo thought it was way too much trouble to go to a hospital, so he found himself heading for Shinra's house. His arm didn't really hurt, just stung a bit, kind of like a bee sting or a doctor's shot. He couldn't see what the big deal was.

"Oh well," he muttered to himself as he reached his destination, "I did promise Tom, after all." He proceeded to jab his finger at the doorbell. "Anyone home?"

Celty was the one to answer his call, PDA in hand. _Oh, hello, Shizuo. What brings you here? If you've come to visit, I'm sorry, now's not really a good time..._ The normally cool, calm, and collected Dullahan seemed nervous about something, fidgeting to the left and the right ever so slightly.

"Sorry, not here to visit. I've got some shards of glass stuck in my arm, and Tom said I should get it checked out," he replied nonchalantly, holding up his cut-up and bleeding left limb.

_OMG! Shizuo, that's got to be serious! Come in, come in!_ she typed frantically, worry driving away her previous state of discomfort. She hurriedly herded him into Shinra's apartment, but suddenly stopped when reaching the living room. From what Shizuo could tell, a trembling person with a head of black hair was sitting on the couch, back to Shizuo. Shizuo spotted his friend, Shinra doing something with his hands (it looked like a kind of sign language) and nodding softly at his patient. He froze when he saw Shizuo.

_Uh oh,_ thought the underground doctor. _This isn't going to blow over well. I hope my furniture will survive it._

"Hey, Shizuo," he said awkwardly, continuously looking down at his still unidentified (to Shizuo, at least) and now confused patient.

_He's here for his arm. He's got shards of glass in it!_ explained Celty.

"Oh, I see. Shizuo, before you sit down, um...please don't destroy anything. I just got this chair imported from India, and it cost me a pretty penny, I assure you," said Shinra.

"Um, sure, I guess. But why would I--" he stopped talking. At this point, Shizuo had walked around the couch to sit on the opposing one, which gave him and Shinra's previous patient a nice, clear view of each other. Shizuo couldn't believe it. It was Izaya Orihara!

As soon as Shizuo came into view, Izaya must've jumped a mile. For a second, he looked absolutely terrified, but it didn't take long for that trademark smirk to slip into its righteous place. "Oh, it's nice of you to drop by, Shizu~chan. Did you come to see me?" he said, but his words sounded just a fraction off. Like he was waiting a millionth of a second later than usual to make sure that each syllable came out right.

"Izaya..." Shizuo snarled in turn, preparing to hurtle himself off the couch, across the room, and wring that goddamn flea's neck.

_Please sit down, Shizuo! You can't fight Izaya right now. He's--_

Izaya glanced meaningfully at Celty, putting a finger to his lips and then drawing a hand across his throat.

"Are you threatening her?" Shizuo roared, enraged. Celty quickly forced him back down with her shadows.

_Please stay put, Shizuo. Please?_

"What Celty means to say is that I'm sick," Izaya said after a beat of silence, almost as if he was reviewing the sentence in his head before saying it. He omitted a few coughing sounds to prove his point.

"Uh, that's right. He's come down with a bad case of the flu, so he came to get some medicine. Celty, why don't you show Izaya out and get him back home," said Shinra.

Celty nodded, quickly releasing Shizuo from her bonds. Then, on her PDA, she typed, _Izaya, I'm going to take you home now_.

Izaya nodded and sneered once more. "Hope you have a wonderful day~" On his way out, Shizuo could've heard him snap quietly, albeit slowly, "Celty you don't have to coddle me. I can walk home on my own, you know. And I'm getting better at reading lips," but he dismissed it entirely as Shinra set to work on his arm.

A few days later, Shizuo had completely forgotten about the whole incident. He was strolling through Ikebukuro on one of his days off when he caught that familiar scent. The stench of that _flea_. And then he saw him, looking carefully as he crossed the street, hood up over his eyes. He looked suspicious.

"IZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYA!" he crowed so loud that he was sure people in _Russia_ could hear him. Surprisingly enough, said flea didn't turn around. Shizuo frowned, confused. Usually by now Izaya would be spewing some annoying nonsense and flinging knives. But no, he was completely _ignoring_ Shizuo. For some reason, that pissed him off even more than when Izaya responded.

Snarling, he ripped up a nearby vending machine and chucked it at Izaya. People all around quickly began to clear out. It was only then, that he turned around and was met with a vending machine in the face. It sent his small frame sprawling and into a brick wall. Shizuo stomped over, angrily.

"How'd you like that, _I-zay-a_ ," he growled, grabbing him by the collar and effortlessly lifting him off the ground. He prepared to punch the annoying informant right in the face when he took a peek at Izaya's expression.

Normally there would be an amused smirk, or a sardonic grin. Izaya did enjoy the chase, after all, and the thrill of escaping away. However, in this instance, the information broker's face screamed pure terror. His complexion was even paler than usual. He was so terrified, in fact, the beginnings of tears appeared to be eking out of his wide, red eyes, and he hung in Shizuo's arms limply, not even fighting back. He seemed to mouth the words _please let me go,_ before rapidly shaking his head, snapping out of it.

"Oh, hello, Shizu-chan," he said gazing up at him, annoying little sneer back in place. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, FLEA?" he yowled back. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

Izaya's eyebrows drew together, and a little frown turned his lips in a downward fashion. He looked puzzled, like he was trying decipher what it was Shizuo was trying to say.

"That's fucking it," Shizuo snarled, flinging him up and over one of his broad shoulders. "We're going to Shinra's, and he's going to tell me what's going on, because I'm sure as hell you ain't sick."

Izaya's head was facing Shizuo's back, and he made no sign that he'd heard the ex-bartender. In fact, he continually banged his tiny, delicate-looking fists on the bigger man's back, not even bothering to find the words to tell him to let him down.

"Shinra!" shouted Shizuo, storming into his friend's apartment. He didn't even bother to knock on the door. He blundered in to find Shinra and Celty cuddling on the couch. Embarrassed, Celty quickly jumped away, black smoke poofing out her neck. Then she realized who it was, exactly, slung over Shizuo's shoulder.

_Shizuo, is that--_

He unceremoniously dumped Izaya on the opposite couch of the two lovers. Said informant glared up at him, making a move like he was going to get up and leave, but Shizuo shoved him back down.

"I want to know what the hell is going on with Izaya!" he declared. "And Shinra, you're going to fucking tell me."

Izaya looked back and forth at his arch nemesis and the underground doctor, obviously quite confused. In sign language, Shinra signed, _He wants to know what's going on, and what happened to you_.

Izaya signed back, _Shinra, if you so much as spill a drop of information to that protozoan you are a dead man_.

Shinra replied, _Sorry, but he needs to know, Izaya. Otherwise, he'll keep attacking you whenever he sees you in Ikebukuro_.

Izaya went to protest, but Shinra cut him off with a wave of a hand. "Okay, Shizuo, calm down. I'll tell you what I know."

Izaya looked like he was about to lunge across the room and strangle Shinra, but Celty held him down with her shadows, even as he struggled, before giving up and weakly flopping back into the couch cushions.

"Now, Shinra," growled Shizuo. He sat down on the same couch as the flea, relaxed because the shadows prevented his adversary from doing anything.

"Yes, yes. Now, where to begin. Ah, I know...back when Izaya came stumbling in here the other day, a few days before you showed up with all that glass in your arm..."


	2. What Happened to Izaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am too lazy to write done.

"Izaya came stumbling into my apartment with scratches all over his body and blood coming out of his ears roughly a week ago. I don't really know what happened, bur from what I understand, he was forcibly made deaf. All of the medical signs indicated that someone had shoved a long, metal rod of some sort that was heated up to an extremely hot temperature, than shoved in each ear so it scorched the eardrum," Shinra said. "I can also deduce he was attacked by a group of strong and, most likely, men."

 _He was lucky both he and Shinra understand Japanese sign language!_ typed, Celty. _Of course, when Izaya did arrive, well, according to Shinra, he must've just escaped his captors--we assume he was held captive for a period of time--and was driven almost mad with pain. The fact he couldn't hear made it that much worse._

"Izaya still refuses to tell me, and probably you, as well, Shizuo, what happened leading up until that moment. It's a shame, because even though _he_ won't even entertain the idea, I believe Izaya is traumatized. Talking it out might help his mental state. As I'm sure you've noticed, he tries to keep up appearances, but deep down, he's not the same. If you get to close to him, or make physical contact, he reacts like a dear in headlights."

Shizuo's mind flashed back to when he caught the flea in the street. His expression, for the smallest of moments, was absolutely terrified before attempting to slip into one of his old masks. Then, it hit him.

"Izaya can't hear!?" he exclaimed.

"Yes, Shizuo, that's what being deaf means," Shinra explained tiredly.

Shizuo slumped back into the couch. He couldn't believe. The guy he'd been wanting to kill for years was traumatized and disabled. There was no way he could even think of ending Izaya's life now, while he was practically defenseless.

“Actually, Shizuo, could I ask you a favor?” asked Shinra.

“Yeah,” Shizuo replied, mind still reeling at the fact his archenemy was deaf. Celty handed him a glass of water.

“Would you mind living with and look after Izaya for a bit? You know, at least until he gets used to being deaf?”

Shizuo choked on his drink, spewing water all the way across the table, and onto Shinra. Izaya began laughing almost manically. He was extremely nervous. Even though he was good at reading lips, and with most normal people, could get by just by that, he was somewhat distracted by Celty’s shadows and struggled to follow the conversation. Once he realized Shinra’s request, he began to kick and thrash about, trying to break free (Celty’s shadows had conveniently bound his mouth, too, so his previous merriment fell on “deaf” ears. (Hardy-har-har…I just had to do that…sorry, I’ll shut up now.)

“Izaya, if you want to say something, just use sign language,” Shinra said pleasantly, as if his request hadn’t been one of the most improbable things on earth.

 _I want the brute to hear it, too,_ Izaya said crossly with quick hands.

“Fine,” his friend sighed. “Celty, dear, would you mind letting Izaya speak?”

 _Sure thing_. She unbound his mouth but not the rest of his body.

“Thank you,” Izaya huffed. Then he craned his head towards Shinra. “Shinra, no way in hell can you make me spend time with any type of caretaker, much less that protozoan over there. I’m not a defenseless child, just deaf. I’ll get by.”

Shizuo noticed that in the few days he and Izaya hadn’t seen each other, his ability to speak normally had returned, and he no longer needed to pause before each sentence. It was impressive, but then again, the flea always had been smart. He probably practiced every day so that he could use his voice normally again, even though he couldn’t hear it. But back to the matter at hand…

“And yeah! Why would I want to take care of this shitty bastard, anyway?” Shizuo commented.

Izaya wasted no time reading his lips and responded, “My, how cruel, Shizu~chan! But for once, I am inclined to agree with you. I don’t need a caretaker, Shinra.” Shizuo had to laugh at that.

“What’s so funny, Shizu-chan?” Izaya spat, glaring in his direction best he could with Celty’s restraints.

“Flea, I screamed your name from across the street and you didn’t even hear me! You got hit by a vending machine! What if that was a car or another attacker…one who wouldn’t bring you to fucking Shinra’s!” Shizuo half-chuckled, half-shouted. He seemed torn between anger and amusement.

“I didn’t know you cared, Shizu~chan! I’m flattered, truly I am, but I have a question, you dumb brute: why did you bring me to Shinra’s, anyway? Didn’t you want to kill me not too long ago?”

"Because I wanted to know what the hell was going on with you! And I can't kill a disabled person, no matter how much of a dick they are!" the fortissimo of Ikebukuro replied.

Izaya’s eyes went wide. “What did you just call me?” he hissed. “Do tell me I read your lips wrong, because I could’ve sworn you just said I was disabled.”

“So what if I did?” Shizuo snarled back. “You are disabled, Izaya! You can’t hear, for fuck’s sake! Are you even listening to yourself? What was that? Oh, right. You can’t. Because your disabled! Broken! Useless! How does it feel to for life to deal you a bad hand, Izaya? Does it make you feel good? Because these are the kinds of things you do to other people! What’s it like to be in their shoes, huh?”

 _Shizuo, you should probably stop_ , Celty typed into her PDA. _Now’s not the best time to—_

“No, I won’t stop!” Shizuo, growled, making sure Izaya had a clear view of his lips, so he could understand every. Single. Word. “You’re disgusting, you know that?”

Izaya’s mouth opened and closed. He had nothing more to say. Finally, he managed to sputter out. “Fine, I am disgusting. And worthless. Trash. Useless trash. That’s what _they_ called me anyway.” He shot Shizuo the most bitter, self-deprecating, heart-breaking smile he’d ever seen. “I deserved ever little bit of what happened. Every single bit. I, I—“ For a moment, he looked like he wanted to cry. Shizuo was shocked. But Izaya gulped, and went on, not letting a single tear fall. “Everything that happened to me…I deserved it.”


	3. Living with Izaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am much too lazy to actually write a summary...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what are you guys thinking so far? Good, bad, ehh? Let me know through comments and kudos!

Silence ensued. Shinra stared at Izaya. Celty stared at Izaya. Shizuo stared at Izaya. Izaya stared at the ground. A minute or so passed before someone dared to break the awkward quietness that filled the room.

“So, uh, Shizuo,” Shinra coughed, “are you willing to look after Izaya until—“

“No.”

“Shizuooooooooooo,” the doctor whined. “I’m a doctor, I have other patients, so I can’t help Izaya around his home—and outside—all the time. Celty has her job as a transporter, and, well, Izaya doesn’t really have any other friends. Clients, yes, but none that wouldn’t turn on him if a better offer came up. He also has a considerable amount of enemies, too, not just you. And Izaya, if you escaped from the people that impaired your hearing, I can only imagine they’ll be back for more.”

“I don’t need _a babysitter,” Izaya said through clenched teeth._

 _Please, Shizuo?_ Celty typed. _For me, as a friend? Izaya has enough money—I bet he could pay you to look after him! Not to be rude or anything, but being a debt collector doesn’t really pay very well, no matter how good you are at your job. I know Izaya isn’t easy to like. In fact, some days, he makes my shadows crawl. Deep down inside, though, there’s a glimmer of humanity. I’ve seen it, and I think you might be able to, too. So I’m begging you, Shizuo, please stay with Izaya for at least a few weeks or so. Please…_

“Celty, that was beautiful!” Shinra sniffed, glomping onto his surprised lover and squeezing her tight in his arms. Celty punched him in the stomach, clearly embarrassed.

Everyone turned to Shizuo, each of their faces (or PDA, for Celty) conveying a different message.

Izaya: _If you say yes I will slit your throat in your sleep_.

Shinra: _So, whaddya say?_

Celty’s PDA: _Please??? (^//^)_

“Fine!” Shizuo exclaimed, exasperated. “But only for a couple of weeks. You owe me, Celty.”

Her shoulder slumped in relief. _Thank you_.

“What?” Izaya shouted. “No, no, no, no, _no!_ There’s no way this brute can—”

“Too late, Izaya, now out you go! Celty and I were spending some quality time together before you and Shizuo so _rudely_ interrupted. Shinra began shoving both his friends (Celty took the time to free Izaya of her shadow bonds) out the door.

In mere seconds Shizuo and Izaya found themselves standing at a stairwell, just the two of them.

“So,” Shizuo began awkwardly, “Where do you live, exactly?”

“You think I’d tell you? Sorry, but Shinra and Celty can mind their own business. I’m fine without a bodyguard. See ya, Shizu~chan!” Izaya cried, taking off.

“COME BACK HERE, _I-ZAY-A!”_ Shizuo roared in pursuit, purely out of habit, because his raven-haired target could no longer hear his voice.

 _That idiot can’t hear people or vehicles…he’s going to get himself run over!_ thought Shizuo.

The two raced through the streets of Ikebukuro as always, and to the public, nothing seemed any different. But the two involved in the chase—oh, they knew. Desperation laced their each and every movement. It was pure luck that Shizuo managed to catch up with Izaya just as he was about to cross the street. Shizuo grabbed the collar of his signature fluffy jacket and flung the informant backwards so that he just narrowly missed getting hit by a truck.

“ARE YOU STUPID?” Shizuo roared, still holding the flea captive. Izaya was about to respond before his phone buzzed. It was a text.

 

 **Shinra:** Here’s Izaya’s address. I figured you might need it.

 

Shizuo rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but smile. That underground doctor seemed to know everything.

Izaya drew his eyebrows together. Shizuo flashed him the screen of his phone and a look of understanding dawned on his face, followed by a frown. And, so, Shizuo tossed the smaller man over his shoulder and made his way to the address that was Izaya’s apartment, even though said smaller man complained the entire way.

“We’re here,” Shizuo declared (more to himself than to Izaya) as he walked into his archenemy’s swanky high rise apartment. He threw Izaya down on the couch.

Izaya glared up at him with a look that said, _Now what?_

He made sure Izaya could see his lips before replying, “It’s been a fuck-long day. Go sleep in your bed or something, and I’ll take the couch. Also, don’t run off. I don’t know who shoved a scorching hot metal rod in your ears, but it they catch you, they’ll probably finish you off.”

The informant shivered involuntarily, as if remembering something he didn’t want to even touch upon.

“I’ll be in my bedroom…” he muttered, hugging himself and finding his way up a set of stairs, down a hallway and into his own room. Shizuo contentedly set himself down on the couch and sank into a nice, deep sleep, fine with sorting out he and Izaya’s new relationship in the morning.

~time skip to the next day~

Shizuo lurched awake to the smell of sizzling eggs and bacon. His stomach grumbled hungrily. After all, he hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. Following his nose, he stumbled into the kitchen, where he blanched and did a double take.

Izaya Orihara, feared information broker of Shinjuku, arch nemesis of the fortissimo of Ikebukuro, Shizuo Heiwajima, was wearing a long sleeved black shirt, his usual black pants and a pink apron. What Shizuo couldn’t get over was how undeniably ~~cute~~ annoying he looked. The flea always had delicate features, but with the apron, he definitely looked a little more than borderline feminine.

Izaya didn’t realize Shizuo had entered the room until he turned around. He started, nearly dropping the two plates of eggs and bacon he was carefully balancing in his arms. “Sh-Shizu~chan!” he stuttered, setting his trays down at the kitchen counter. Composing himself and trying to look as dignified and manly as he could (it was rather difficult wearing a pink apron) he gestured to the counter. “This is a peace offering,” he said. “Consider it a truce, you dumb protozoan. If I’m being forced to live with you for a week of two, I might as well make the most out of it. When we are in my apartment, you do your thing, and I do mine…or feel free to leave, for that matter. I will try not to openly provoke you as long as you don’t smash mu furniture. Also, outside of my apartment, you do not accompany me where I say you can’t and you do not let anyone, _anyone_ know I’m…” he pursed his rosebud lips (how had Shizuo never notice them before?) as if disgusted by the word, “…deaf.”

“Hmph,” Shizuo grunted in response, more interested in the food the flea presented than his “rules”. Without hesitating, he dug in.

Izaya, without taking off his apron, (he forgot he had it on) sat down a seat away from him, picking at his food a bit but not really eating. Shizuo eyed him.

 _He doesn’t eat right. That’s probably why he’s so skinny,_ he thought.

“This isn’t poisoned right?” he asked allowed, turning his head so Izaya could read his mouth movements.

“No,” the chef replied. “Unfortunately no. Anyways, truce? Until you get the hell out of my home sweet home?” He stuck out a pale, slender hand.

Shizuo took it, and the two shook firmly. _Wow, his hands are so soft and tiny_. One of Shizuo’s large, tanned hands completely enveloped Izaya’s more delicate, almost lady-like one.

“Truce,” he agreed with a nod. “But Izaya I have a few questions. And you’re going to answer them.”

Izaya narrowed his eyes and cocked one eyebrow. “Depends on what the questions entail.”

“Number one, why were you at Shinra’s the other day, when I was there?” asked Shizuo.

“Check-up,” Izaya answered flippantly. “Even after losing my hearing a couple of days prior, there were many other wounds, much smaller wounds, on my body that Shinra wanted to take care of.”

Shizuo nodded. It made sense. “Number two, what happened to you? What made you lose your hearing.”

Izaya tensed up, not liking where this conversation was going. “Someone shoved a very hot fireplace poker in both my ears, damaging the eardrums,” he responded carefully.

“That’s not what I meant, Izaya, and you know it.”

“Whatever. I don’t have to answer a dumb protozoan like you. I’m going to work, now. Do you know how many hours I’ve lost thanks to you and Shinra’s shenanigans?” The flea strode into the living room and slid comfortably into his swivel chair. A mere thirty seconds later, the sound of rapid, machine-gun-fire-typing filled the room.

Back in the kitchen, Shizuo noticed that Izaya’s plate of food was practically untouched. That louse needed to eat more! So Shizuo decided to bring him his meal and possibly force feed him if he refused to eat.

Walking into the living room, he heard a loud gasp and cry of surprise. “Izaya?” he called, suspecting some sort of trick, and then realizing he couldn’t hear him. Cautiously, plate in hand, he entered the living room.

Izaya was on his computer, but he looked positively horrified about something. He was watching some sort of video, but the volume was turned down low, so Shizuo couldn’t hear it. There appeared to be subtitles.

“Oh God no, no, no…” he heard the informant mutter softly to himself, clasping a hand over his mouth. He began to whimper, and at certain parts, even flinched away from the scene.

“Izaya?” Shizuo tapped his shoulder. Izaya whipped around and quickly shut off his computer, so Shizuo couldn’t see what he was doing.

“Ah, ha, ha, Shizu~chan!” he laughed nervously. “What do _you_ want?”

“Nothing,” Shizuo replied cautiously. “What were you looking at? And don’t call me Shizu-chan.”

“It’s none of your business,” snapped Izaya, _“Shizu~chan.”_

“Oh, as your _‘caretaker’_ , I think it is,” said Shizuo. “C’mon, open it back up.” He set down the plate of food and gestured to the laptop.

“No,” said Izaya. Changing the subject, he quickly added, “Why did you bring that plate in here? I thought the agreement was that in my apartment, you do your protozoan-ish thing, and I do mine?”

“I agreed to a truce, not to leave you alone. I have to look after you,” Shizuo spat out through gritted teeth.

“Awww, don’t tell me you care?” Izaya chuckled with a smirk. Then he turned serious. “But Shizu-chan, seriously, why are you doing this?”

“Celty asked me too,” said Shizuo. “And I don’t care about you, either! It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” Izaya spun twice in his swivel chair, ending in a position facing Shizuo, fingers interlaced and placed under his chin.

“I don’t know, okay? You’re fucking Izaya Orihara, the greatest information broker in Shinjuku, the biggest asshole born on this earth. You’re not supposed to be disabled, deaf, or whatever you want to call it! I can’t kill you for fucking up other peoples’ lives—including mine—when you’re so pathetic. Once you can act as usual, even while you’re deaf, I’ll leave, give you a day’s head start, and then resume my goal of killing you,” Shizuo explained simply.

“You think it’s that simple?” Izaya laughed. “Guess you really are a protozoan. But I like your plan. It’s sort of what I had in mind, too, but without you _babysitting_ me.”

“Izzayyyyaaaaaaaa…” Shizuo growled angrily while the flea laughed. He had to admit, though, in a way, their usual antics felt right—they felt good, normal. Before he got too angry, he forced himself to sit down on the couch (still in the living room and watch TV. One of Kasuka’s movies were on, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTWs, thank you for the comments left already. They really encourage me to keep writing! You guys are absolutely great.


	4. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo watches the video Izaya was trying to hide from him, and ends up a little more than shocked. Just warning you guys, there are some pretty graphic and violent scenes in this next chapter, so no likey, no ready.

“Hey, Shinra,” Shizuo said into the phone. A day had passed, and Izaya was already asleep. Surprisingly, as long as the two avoided conversation, things went quite well. But Shizuo still wanted to figure something out.

“Yeah, Shizuo?” his doctor friend replied. “It’s about Izaya, isn’t it?”

“What else?” the ex-bartender grumbled.

“So, what’s the problem?”

“Izaya looked pretty freaked out by this video he was watching on his computer…like Celty-afraid-of-aliens freaked out, and he wouldn’t show me what it was. So I was wondering—“

“If I know his username and password?” Shinra finished his sentence. Shizuo could practically _hear_ him smiling. But then is voice turned grim. “I wouldn’t suggest looking at the video, though.”

“Why? Shinra, do you know something?” said Shizuo.

“Yes,” the doctor admitted. “But a), Izaya is entitled to some privacy, after all. Even though you’re taking care of him, that doesn’t mean you need to know every little detail about his life. And b), the video has been uploaded pretty much everywhere, but you have to know where to look if you want to watch it. I wouldn’t advise it, though. You’d probably tear Izaya up.”

“Huh?” Shizuo grunted.

“Izaya hates being pitied,” Shinra explained, “and would rather die than show anyone his weak side.”

“What do I care about his fucking mental state? The flea is hiding something, and I wanna know about it. Simple as that,” said Shizuo.

“Okay, but…don’t say I didn’t warn you. Izaya’s username is Kanra, and his password is Mairu&Kurui,” Shinra said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Okay, thanks Shinra. See ya.”

“Yeah, see ya.” Shinra hung up. Celty was standing there, having listened in on the whole conversation.

 _Are you sure that was a good idea?_ she typed. _How’s Izaya going to react when he finds out Shizuo knows? I mean, we just found out today, as did most people in the city, actually. I’ve never liked Izaya but…even he didn’t deserve what happened to him_.

“I know Celty, I know.”

~back to Shizuo~

“There we go,” Shizuo muttered with a final **click** as he entered Izaya’s computer. “History, history, history…here.” He opened up a video link. He clicked the play button and turned up the volume, knowing full well Izaya couldn't hear.

"Hello, nation-wide viewers. This is sort of a...promotional video for our business, te Sun Shark Debt Collectors. We aren't your average debt collectors, though. No, we are so much more. We don't collect monetary debts, but rather...promises made to certain organizations, such as casinos, clubs, et cetera, in place of money. The young man featured in this video has quite the sad story. You see, we won’t release his name, but since he’s quite well-known in Japan, so most will have no problem recognizing his face.” A voice nearly as annoying as Izaya’s, but much deeper and more guttural, narrated while Shizuo looked at a black screen.

 _What’s so bad about this?_ Shizuo wondered, confused. He couldn’t understand why Shinra and Izaya thought it was such a big deal. Then he noticed.

“As I’m sure you all can see, for the young gentleman starring in this little episode, we’ve added subtitles so he can re-watch it to his heart’s content, and remind himself what happens when promises aren’t kept.”

Shizuo felt something twinge in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box, but he wasn’t a total idiot, either. By now, he’d figured out that the “young man” in the video had to be Izaya. Izaya was now deaf, so he’d have to read subtitles. It added up.

Suddenly, the black screen in front of the camera was removed, revealing a woman—no, a man—with jet black hair. He was tied to a chair, hands and arms bound behind his back, and legs tied to the first two legs of the chair. A blindfold covered the small man’s eyes, and a gag was tied tightly over his lips. Was that…it couldn’t be Izaya…could it? Whoever it was struggled didn’t bother to struggle with their bindings, simply sat there calmly, as if analyzing the situation. And even though Shizuo couldn’t see the person’s face, he could practically sense the amusement rolling off him, right through the camera, into the computer…right into Shizuo’s mind. Yup, that had to be Izaya.

“This man—or ‘ **X** ’, as I’ll be calling him in this video, had a very boo-hoo childhood. His mother died during his birth, and his father blamed her death on him. Eventually, his father remarried another woman, and gave birth to two daughters. As a young boy, **X** was constantly beat on and pummeled by his father, who repeatedly blamed him for his mother’s loss of life. Things got even worse when his step-mother divorced his father, taking her two girls with her, and leaving **X** behind. As one might expect, he was blamed for his second mother’s flight, as well. Soon, his father’s drinking, which was pretty bad to begin with, got even worse, and the old man took up gambling. He had quite the losing streak, which resulted in money lost, and more beatings for **X**. This lasted up through high school, and by then, **X** became quite good at hiding the injuries his father gave him. If by chance someone did spot his wounds, he make up excuse such as “I bumped into a table” or “I got into a fight with my archrival!” and so on. Here’s the kicker, though; **X** could always defend himself if he wanted to—he taught himself how. But the smug bastard refused to fight back against his father. Why? **X** truly believed he deserved his punishment. It was true, after all. X did kill—no _murder_ his mother just by being born. It would be much better if someone like him, a parasitic leech, never existed in the first place. But do not despair, my fellow viewers! **X** had a slim, female figure and was…get this…a VIRGIN!! Knowing this, right before **X** graduated high school, in order to pay back his debt, **X** ’s father offered **X** up as payment instead of money to the Sun Shark Debt Collectors. And since we specialize in these type of promises, we were all too glad to take **X** on. However, **X** got wind of the plan and escaped on graduation day to Awakusu-kai, before his father or the debt collectors could interfere—where he thought the Sun Shark Debt Collectors couldn’t reach him.”

“And now look at him!” a new voice chimed in, laughter shaking the camera (he was clearly the one holding it). “Shinjuku’s most powerful information broker, captured by a coup’la loan sharks!”


	5. The Truth (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so you know the summary and notes I wrote for last chapter? Yeah...they were supposed to be for this chapter! Sorry they've been getting so short, BTWs. I'll try to work on it! *bows head in shame* Also there's some smut at first, but it quickly fades to gore and violence. It isn't that bad (the gore and violence, that is, and the smut's relatively mild, too) but if it's not your thing, please don't read. Also, this if my first time writing a rape scene, and yeah, I know it's probably not very realistic but at least it's somewhat...actually, I don't really know what the fuck it is. I hope you all enjoy. Also, I didn't really proof-read this so there's prob a lot of typos/spelling errors. Keep the comments coming! I love you guys.

Another man stepped into the camera, but his face was edited out. He untied the binding around Izaya’s mouth.

“Well, well, I see I’ve got myself caught. Humans are so very interesting~!” chuckled a familiar voice. “Would you let me see the faces of my captors~?”

“Why not?” laughed the unseen narrator. “Take off the blindfold, too.” The other man—he had blond hair—ripped off the blindfold, none to gently, either.

Sure enough, the person tied to the chair was Izaya. “My, my. Now that you’ve captured me, what do you plan to do?” he asked, curious and seemingly not the least bit worried for his health.

“Use you,” replied the narrator. “Most likely whoring you out to customers.” Izaya seemed to stiffen at that, his eyes involuntarily revealing a flash of fear. He tried to cover up his momentary lapse, though, by grinning cheekily.

“I can’t same I’m too fond of your plans,” he proclaimed with a smirk.

“And I know why,” the blond-haired man said, “Your father didn’t just beat you, did he?” He whispered it in Izaya’s ear, and he visibly shivered.

“Whatever do you mean~?” he inquired feigning innocence.

“He raped you,” declared the narrator, chuckling. Then he, too, (faced censored, of course) stepped into the camera shot. He had brown hair. Next, he moved in close to Izaya’s other ear. “Day after day after day. However did you hide it from your friends? Oh, wait…you only had one. My bad! And he found out soon enough, didn’t he? About the beatings. Not about the other part, though…No, there’s no way you would ever let anybody know that _you_ were _raped_ …”

Izaya flinched away, head-butting the blond. Who immediately cursed and held his now-bleeding nose. Then he began to laugh.

“Clearly you have some wrong information,” Izaya giggled manically. “Sure, my father beat me, true. And yes, I did deserve it. I killed his wife, after all~! But rape? No, no, no. Why would he do that? I’m afraid you don’t know what you’re talking about~!”

The blond man yanked Izaya towards him by his raven locks. “You’re gonna pay for that, wench!”

“I’m not a woman, debt-or-promise-collector-or-whatever-you-are~san! And if you don’t even know my gender, how can you know anything about me?” Izaya teased.

“Oh, we know all about you,” the blond one growled. “Every little thing. How you’d purposely get into fights with Shizuo Heiwajima as an excuse when your friend Shinra asked why you had bruises all over your body, or walked funny all the time. But those fights weren’t just excuses to cover up your injuries—you began to enjoy them! You felt _in_ _control_ for once. Making someone angry, manipulating their emotions so easily, the thrill of the chase—they were all outlets and coping mechanisms for what happened to you at home. It’s why you became an information broker, to deal with your past. Back then, you pushed your sisters and step-mom away, too. You told them you hated them to keep ’em from finding out. And you deserved _all of it_ …”

"Still no idea what you're talking about," Izaya replied immediately, with all of his usual snark. "I pick fights with that dumb brute because he's annoying and never does what I predict. That's why I love all humans, they're so _predictable_."

"You love all humans, but in reality, you hate yourself," said the narrator, the guy with the brown hair. "You call yourself a god and don't get close to others to make yourself feel like you have power, you have control. The idea that you're untouchable makes you feel safe."

"News flash, kid," said the camera man. "You're not."

“Going back to our previous conversation,” said the brown-haired man, “Why you’re father raped you…was it because he found out you’re a fag? Yes, I believe that was the case. The fact that his oh-so-hated son was also gay pushed him over the edge.”

Izaya’s mouth dropped open. He could no longer contain his surprise. “How did you—“

“How did I know? Simple, young Izaya. I went to school with you. I spied on you. I stalked you. Even kids, as long as they’re capable, can join the Sun Shark Debt Collectors. We knew your father was digging himself a hole with all his gambling, and sooner or later, he’d offer _you_ up as consolation. And we were right. He did so, a day or so before you graduated. But like I said before, as soon as you caught wind of his plan—POOF!—you vanished. And here we are, all these years later. We’d long given up the search and moved to a different part of Japan, focusing on other customers when all of a sudden, we heard news of you and this Heiwajima guy fighting in the streets. I recognized old ‘Shizu-chan’ immediately and your name struck a chord. So, a few of the guys and I took off to go collect you. We posed as your clients for a while, and waited until the time was right. You let, your guard down, and this is the price you’re going to have to pay.”

With that, he kicked Izaya hard in the stomach, and gestured to the blond. “You can join in, too. Just don’t break anything—yet—and leave the facial area alone, got it?”

Said man nodded eagerly and set to work beating on Izaya.” Meanwhile, Shizuo’s head was spinning in shock.

 _The flea was… **raped** as a kid? He used his fights with me to cope? He messed with people because of his past? He hated himself? He was **gay**?_ These thought kept swirling ’round and ’round in his head, along with the sickening sounds of Izaya getting punched and kicked over and over and over.

Stubborn as he was, throughout the whole ordeal, Izaya refused to cry out. Now that his captors weren’t forcing him to relive his memories and reminding him his mother’s death was his fault, he could collect himself and laugh at how silly the whole situation was. He smirked and chuckled all the while, as if saying “Is that the best you can do?”

“Okay, I think it’s safe to untie him, now. Hold him tight, just in case, though,” said the brown-haired guy. At this point, Izaya had stopped laughing and was silent, just sitting limply in his chair, too sore and bruised to do anything else.

The blond-haired man forced him face-first onto the ground, but pinned his arms behind his back.

“Okay,” said the narrator. “Give him the aphrodisiac.”

Izaya’s eyes widened, and despite the pain, began to struggle seriously now. A cloth was lowered to his face, and pressed against his mouth and nose.

“Give it a minute. Let it start working.” Sure enough, when the cloth was removed, Izaya began to squirm uncomfortably in his blood-smeared clothes, pressing his surprisingly girlish thighs together and shifting. Soon, he began to pant heavily. He was pulled into a sitting position, and he was unable to fight it. He shifted from right to left. To his horror, he began to _mewl_ in need. He bit down on his lip so hard, tears sprouted in his eyes, making him look all the more erotic.

Shizuo gasped and looked down at his…not-so-little Shizuo. It was tenting his pants, big, hard, and proud.

“The hell? Are you fucking kidding me? There’s no way I could get turned on by that louse!” he shouted to no one in particular. His eyes (and ears) flicked back to the video.

“Look at what a fag you are!” the blond-haired man shouted gleefully, still pinning Izaya’s hands behind his back. The brown-haired man wasted no time stripping Izaya of his clothing and spreading his legs.

“What a whore…” the narrator whispered in Izaya’s ear. “A filthy, disgusting slut. A prostitute. You’re a worthless piece of shit. After all, you did murder your mother~!”

“G-Get off of me…” Izaya managed to spit out between gasps.

“Is that what you _really_ want? Just look at this right here?” The brown-haired guy shoved Izaya’s legs even further apart, almost like he was putting him on display, and the camera was adjusted so that any viewer, in this case Shizuo, could see his dick.

“No, stop!” the informant gasped, wriggling as much as he could.

Shizuo gritted his teeth as he felt his cock get even harder. Unlike in most porn-o vids, his…shall we say, private parts…weren’t censored. Izaya’s dick was surprisingly tiny and adorable…Shizuo could probably fit into his mouth with a single…No, no, no, no, NO. He refused to let his mind go there. He wasn’t into guys! (Then again, he’d never really felt attracted to women, either.) This was Izaya Orihara, his fucking enemy! The scummiest bastard in Japan, set on making _his_ life miserable! He couldn’t be turned on by this! He just couldn’t!

Izaya was tilted back even further, so his entrance became visible. It was cute and pink and pulsing…No, no, no!

“Even though this is rape, I’ll lube you up a bit. I’m just that nice of a guy!” chuckled the narrator. A pop of a cap opening was heard and a wet finger pushed deep inside Izaya’s hole. Tears began to leak down his face.

“Ahhh~ahhhhh…STOP IT! Ah~!”

“Your mind and body are saying to different things~!” the narrator hummed cheerfully. “My, my, look at how lewd you are!”

“NO…I’m *gasp* *pant* not!” Two more fingers were pressed into Izaya’s entrance. “AHHHHHH~!”

“Found it…” murmured the brown-haired man. He hit that spot again and again and again. Izaya appeared to be at his limit. “Ah, ah, ah, no cumming until I say so…” he said, and despite Izaya’s struggles, easily slid a cock ring over his dick. “Now, we’re going to have some fun.”

Nearly thirty minutes went by of Shizuo watching all sorts of toys were shoved into Izaya’s ass. Then, he was forced to take two dicks at once. Through the whole thing, the cock ring remained on. Eventually, Izaya began to sob, the aphrodisiac began to wear off, and all he felt was pain. (The double-penetration caused him to bleed.) Shizuo’s raging hard on died as soon as he saw the blood leaking out of Izaya’s hole. It hit him then.

 _I’m being turned on watching Izaya being **raped**. _ A sick wave of nausea crashed over his body. He really was a monster.

“I’m wiped,” sighed the blond-haired man, who by now had released Izaya’s arms and joined in the ‘fun’. At this point, Izaya was too weak to fight back. “Let’s just have him suck our cocks and have another go tomorrow.”

“Agreed,” said the narrator. He grabbed Izaya’s hair and shoved his penis down his throat. Izaya gagged and choked a bit. Then a flash of fire, a glint of rebellion shone in his ruby-red eyes. He bit down—and hard—on his attacker’s dick.

The brown-haired man cried out in pain, releasing Izaya and cursing all the while. The informant gazed up at him with that oh-so-annoying smirk. He had just been humiliated, raped, and beat almost to death, but he still did every little thing he could to rebel.

“Don’t fuck with a god~!” he laughed in a maniacal manner.

“You sure like to talk a lot…” growled the man Izaya bit, gripping him by the chin. Izaya tried to turn his bruised, bloodied face (at first, his captors made an effort not to screw up his face, but eventually, they began beating on him while simultaneously raping him) away, but the man’s grip was too strong and Izaya was too weak.

“What can I say? It comes with the territory of being an informant,” Izaya hissed, clearly in pain.

“Oh really…” snarled the narrator. “I wonder if you’d talk so much if you couldn’t hear.”

The know-it-all smile on Izaya’s face died as soon as it had appeared. “Ha, ha, what do you mean by that, loan-shark-rapist~san?”

“That’s a good idea,” said the blond-haired man. “I’d like to hear him scream in pain some more.”

“I’ll get a poker, and heat it up nice and good,” the brown-haired man whispered in Izaya’s ear. “Then we’re going to shove it in each ear…scorch each eardrum so that you can’t hear a thing.”

Izaya frantically shook his head “no”, too terrified to speak. A few moments later, Shizuo watched in horror as a red hot poker was jammed into each of Izaya’s ears as he screamed out in pain and horror. It seemed to go on forever. Finally, all of the men stepped away from the information broker’s body. He curled in on himself, sobbing and screaming, blood pouring out of his ears, and hands covering them.

“AHHHHH! NO I CAN”T HEAR IT HURTS I CAN’T HEAR IT HURTS SOMEBODY AHHHHHH!” he shrieked. His eyes widened even further when he realized he couldn’t hear himself scream. After that, the video simply ended, fading to black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SoooOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooOOooo? How was it?


	6. Dealing with the Flea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, too lazy to write one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmygawd guys, I am so, so, so, so, so, SOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for the really late update!!! (>//

Even after the video ended, after Shizuo shut off Izaya’s computer and settled down on the couch, he couldn’t sleep. Erotic images of Izaya flushed, ~~adorable~~ , ~~fuckable~~ , wanton face kept popping into his brain, and when he tried to take his mind off those, pictures of Izaya sobbing, bleeding, and afraid filled him instead. _Goddammit_ , though Shizuo, smacking his forehead a couple of times with his palm. _I’ll sort it out in the morning_.

~THE NEXT MORNING~

Shizuo awoke to the smell of sizzling bacon. Absentmindedly, he stumbled into the kitchen, where he found the flea, pink apron and all, searching for various pots and pans. As the smaller man swayed side to side, and because the cupboard was about knee-level, his ass waved tantalizingly in the air. Shizuo gulped, eyes automatically drawn how soft and yet firm and girl-like they looked. _Snap out of it_ , he told himself.

“Oh! Shizu-chan,” Izaya said flatly as he turned around, realizing the blond was there. “What brings **you** to my humble kitchen?”

“Food,” Shizuo grumbled, eyes trained on the ground. Slowly, he lifted them up to meet Izaya’s.

The sight of Izaya sobbing and bruised overlapped the present, and he forced himself to look down again.

_“He raped you...”_

_“Day after day after day...”_

_“However did you hide it from your friends? Oh, wait…you only had one…”_

_“My bad! And he found out soon enough, didn’t he?”_

_“About the beatings.”_

_“Not about the other part, though…”_

“ _No, there’s no way you would ever let anybody know that_ **you** _were_ **raped** _…”_

Shizuo couldn’t stop the narrator of the video’s voice from coming into his head. How could he not have known the flea was beat and raped by his father? How could he have tried to kill someone like that? Guilt washed over him. _Was it true? Is it true? Does the flea only pick fights with me because it helps him cope?_

“Shizu~chan! _Shizu-chan_! **SHIZU~CHAN**!”

“What?” exclaimed Shizuo, who hadn’t realized he’d been staring off into space for quite a while.

“Why the hell won’t you look at me?” asked Izaya, lips pursed in an ~~adorable~~ annoyed manner.

“Leave me alone, you goddamn louse,” Shizuo mumbled, plopping into one of the chairs at the kitchen counter, waiting for a steaming meal to be served.

“No. You’re acting strange this morning, Shizu~chan, and I want to know why. Did you decide to quit being my bodyguard? Please, oh kamisama, say yes~!” said the smaller man, all-knowing smirk lighting up his features.

“It’s none of your fucking business.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not.

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it—“

“SHUT UP!” Shizuo finally roared, roughly grabbing Izaya’s shoulder and preparing to punch him right in the face.

There it was again. That unconcealed flash of fear as soon as Shizuo’s body made contact with his. Shizuo didn’t miss how his eyes squeezed shut and his skinny little frame tensed, even beginning to shake a little. Shizuo let go and looked away, muttering a quick, “Sorry,” under his breath.

“What was that?” Izaya asked, confused. “Did you just say—” His eyes widened. “Shizu-chan, last night, you didn’t talk to Shinra, did you?”

“So what if I did.”

“And did he say anything about me and my…past?”

“…”

“Oh fuck, you watched the damn video, didn’t you?”

Nail on the head. Shizuo opened his mouth to deny it, but Izaya was an expert in human psychology and behavior. He saw how the blond man flinched at his questions.

“You did…” Izaya breathed. He looked absolutely horrified. Then he took a deep breath and composed himself, sneer twisting his lips. “Well, Shizu~chan, you got me. You saw me at my lowest. Congratulations! You discovered you’re archenemy’s weakness. Now, since you have, do you think you could leave? I don’t need your help, or Shinra’s, or anybody’s. I’m not helpless, as I keep saying, just deaf. Though I guess you could kill me if you wanted to. I am pretty pathetic as of right now, as I’m sure you can see.” He flung his arms out and spun around like a top, skipping around the room and finally landing his ass on the seat next to Shizuo. “Yeah, that’s a great idea. Just try and kill me! It’ll me just like old times, eh, Shizu~chan? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha~!” He laughed maniacally, slapping his knee as if he told the funniest joke.

“Flea—”

“Shut up, Shizu-chan. Don’t you _dare_ pity me.” He glared at Shizuo, but the effect was kind of lost, seeing as he was still wearing that ~~cute~~ annoyingly pink apron. “I don’t want a _monster’s_ charity.”

That did it. A vein bulged on Shizuo’s head as he roared, “IIIIIIZZZZZZAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYAAAAAA!!!! GET BACK HERE!!!!” It was funny, he shouted out of habit, forgetting that the one he was chasing couldn’t hear him. Izaya sped out of his apartment, and back into the streets of Ikebukuro. Shizuo followed him. Throwing every sign, vending machine, and sometimes even the occasional person he came across. The flea’s maniacal laughter echoed loudly, warning everyone of he and Shizuo’s presence.

“GODDAMN FLEA!” howled Shizuo, hurling an abandoned motorcycle in Izaya’s direction.

“Is that the best you can do, protozoan?” asked Izaya, turning around and facing his rival.

“Well then, how’s this?! AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS!!!” More objects were thrown into the air. Izaya’s reaction time was slower than usual, but he still managed to dodge them by the seat of his pants.

This seemed to go on for ages. Finally, much too Izaya’s surprise (and dismay) Shizuo managed to corner him into a dead-end alley. It was disorienting and difficult to fight without his hearing.

“Got you, bastard!” Shizuo snarled triumphantly.

Izaya frowned, disappointed in himself. He couldn’t believe he let himself get let into a corner. Then again, Shizu-chan could kill him this way. That would be a relief. The monster’s pity made him nauseous. He knew that eventually everything would end this way. Either he would kill Shizu-chan, or Shizu-chan would kill him.

Shizuo, lost in a sea of rage, punched Izaya into a brick wall. The informant slumped down, and coughed up blood.

“That’s it Shizu~chan. Just a little bit more…” he choked out, smirking, blood dribbling out of the corner of his mouth.

“SHUT UP!” Shizuo punched him again. He heard something crack sickeningly. And blood began to pool around his body. It was that sound that brought him back to his senses. He realized what he’d done. “Dammit, Izaya!” He knelt down beside the informant. “Dammit, I’m bringing you to Shinra’s.”

At this point, the flea was hovering on the cusp of unconsciousness, and was too weak and too tired to protest.

 _Stupid, contradictory Shizu~chan…_ he thought bitterly. _I deserve to die. Why can’t you let me die?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah plot suggestions are needed! I'm thinking of giving up on this fic cuz I'm kinda outta ideas. Anyways, love ya'll. Until next time. *moonwalks away*

**Author's Note:**

> Pls let me know what you think. Criticism, kudos, and comments are a big help. Also, plot suggestions. Sometimes I get writers block and will give up on a story if I can't think of anything good. Love ya, see you when I update next!


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